People have asked me what I do. This is one thing. My job has been to predict the needs and direction of our industry. Forecast specials needs and be ready to fill that need. So far so good.

Two men applied for a job at Halliburton yard at Duncan Ok. They both where hired, one as a Welder the other as Security. The very first day the Security Guard noticed the Welder going to work pushing a wheel barrow with his lunch bucket, welding hood, and gloves in it. At quitting time the Welder, pushing the wheel barrow thru the gate was stopped by the Security guard. He asked to look in the lunch bucket , in the hood and even shook the gloves. He thanked the Welder for his patience, and let him leave. This went on for 20 years, everyday he checked the Welder and everything was fine. Five more years passed, the Welder and the Security Guard retiring at the same time saw each other at the retirement party. The Security guard commented on the Welders New Pickup, House and Bass boat, and remarked. We are retired. I have always suspected that you where stealing something. What was it? Wheel Barrows said the Welder. The first one I pushed in was mine, from then on I took but never brought back, you simply didn’t noticed me carrying in my hood and lunch bucket.

You know you R Oilfield Trash if you spent more on 4th of July Fireworks than you paid in Federal Income Tax.

You let your Dog drink out of the Toilet Bowl at the same time you uses it.

One day a Deck Hand working on a off shore Anchor Tug fell overboard. He thought all was lost, and then he spotted a Bottle floating in the brine. He grabbed it hoping for some floation, about that time a Genie pops out. And says, this is your lucky day. You get 3 wishes. Well our deck hand thought and thought. Here is what he wished for. 1st I am working for the biggest company in the world, I wish to be the president of that company, 2nd now that I am a big shot, I want a bridge from here 175mi out to downtown Houston,and 3rd I wish for a 30 car escort on that bridge, so I can arrive in style. Well the Genie was impressed by these wishes but begged with him about his Bridge. He said my God man don’t you understand how much trouble that bridge will be . Divert Shipping, move Plattforms, Rigs, Pipeline ect. Can’t you think of anything else to wish for? The Deckhand thought for a moment and said well there is one thing, Sometimes I don’t understand my wife and I wish I could. The Genie replied “Do you perfer 2 lane or 4 lanes on your bridge.”

Seems not all us Texans remember Oilfield Trash Part 1. For me it was in the Early 60’s thru mid Seventies. My dad had a Contract with Sun Oil Company to Build Oilfield locations, roads, mud pits ect. He handled his new found fortune by staying Drunk, divorce my mom, rolling over more than one new pickup. One time he went to Dallas and paid Cash for a 1965 TD15 Bulldozer, as he hauled it back he stopped at Whiskey flats, bought a fifth of whiskey, drank the whole bottle and then rolled Truck, Trailer,& Dozer off the Paluxy River bridge . No one knows how he survived. But he did and contunied to ruin my family chances to profit from the oil boom in Hood and Somervell counties. I’m not feelin sorry for myself. This is one of thousands such stories from Longview to Pecos. The Lord has given us a second chance, My plan is to profit in every possible way from the Barnett Shale. Invest in things not totally linked to the Energy Business. For example My Dinersarus Truck Stop @ Glen Rose. And several other enterprises. As for new pickups I was drivin one of those Back when Barnett Shale was seaweed.

In a house full of women anything that starts with father is real low on the totem pole. You would need to look under the totem pole to find me. Unless a car brakes down or they are short on mall money. I’m just the janitor. I stopped by a friends house and he was slaving away on his open pit cooker. I asked him. Havin a party? No just Father’s Day get together. As I drove away, I looked over my shoulder and realized that we are all in the same boat. And this boat has no motor, no sail, just us paddling our ass’s off. Felize Dey’s De Padre.

A Roustabout walks into the Breakroom and finds a fellow worker stareing at a can of Chile. This goes on for about 15 mins. The Roustabout asked? If your not going to eat that I will. He grabs it and starts eating away, about this time he notices a dead rat in the chile. He spits it back into the can. His fellow worker say’s ” That’s just about how far I got”.

A landowner storms into the Production companys Main office. He looks up the Landman that signed him up. And say’s, I am mad as hell, the deal was for Surface, Override, and a Fifth!!! The company Landman explains, well first of all as we rode over your lease, I explaned on the surface all you would get is a Fifth. The landowner taken back by this statement reachs in to a sack and pulls out a bottle of Kentucky Deluxe, and says “Well at least it could have been Crown Royal”.

One of my pipeline buddies got fired the other day. I asked him why? He said he got his finger caught in a pipe bender. I asked him ,did they check the guards on the bender? He said that they fired her too.